


The Examination

by DoxaMully



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:49:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26753116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoxaMully/pseuds/DoxaMully
Summary: What was felt during the examination scene in 2x6. “He hopes there’s a mistake. Maybe the x-ray wasn’t hers. Maybe hers was switched with someone else. Perhaps there was a malfunction. He wanted it to be anything other than what reality was showing him.”
Relationships: Bernadette | Shelagh Turner/Patrick Turner
Comments: 7
Kudos: 18





	1. Dr. Turner

He hopes there’s a mistake. Maybe the x-ray wasn’t hers. Maybe hers was switched with someone else. Perhaps there was a malfunction. He wanted it to be anything other than what reality was showing him. 

He knows he needs to be professional, but it can be difficult when so many emotions are flowing through him. He gets out his stethoscope, places it on her back, and begins listening. 

“Breathe in,” he says gently. 

She breathes in deeply and he listens carefully. He looks away from her and concentrates. He knows what he’s checking and he finds his thoughts melt away and the doctor takes over. He’s thankful that he doesn’t have to pretend. 

“And out.”

He hears it immediately. There’s a crackle. There was no mistake. There was no malfunction. Being right isn’t a relief. It can be a burden. 

“And again.”

He moves to the other side. It’s the same. Crackles. 

There’s a heaviness in his chest. He has the flash of a memory. He recalls Marianne in her last days. Being a doctor and knowing exactly what was happening only made it worse. He remembers holding her hand and feeling how cold it was. He remembers the color draining from her face day by day. He remembers how thin she was, how by the end, she didn’t even look like herself anymore. Watching her decline bit by bit. Feeling her slip away. Feeling himself slip too. Only Timothy kept him grounded. 

Professional. He needs to stay calm. He needs to finish. 

He moves in front of her and carefully moves her habit aside so her can access her chest. She’s looking away from him. He tries his best not to touch her. He puts the stethoscope on her skin and listens. As she breathes he notices something else. Her heart is beating quickly. It’s racing. His first thought is that it’s a symptom, that it has something to do with the illness. What if something else is wrong? Perhaps she is agitated, maybe even frightened.

But there’s another possibility. One that he doesn’t and does want to consider.

Does her heart race because of him? Does his touch excite her? Is this what she meant when she said she wasn’t turning her back on him because of him? It’s thrilling to consider.

He finishes examining her and declares that there’s crackles in both lungs. Reality sets back in. She’s ill. This woman he has fallen so deeply in love with has a potentially fatal disease. In love. He knows it’s true. He dreads admitting it even to himself. 

He felt it happen, bit by bit. Moment by moment. It was in her concern for his son and for himself. He felt it when she expressed doubt and was open with him. He felt it when he saw her bring a baby back to life. And he was a complete goner when she brought his cigarette to her lips. “Just a puff” indeed. 

She will need treatment and rest. But what if it gets worse? How could he lose her? She isn’t even his to lose. His mind is going everywhere at once. He considers telling her how he feels. It seems wrong, but it seems worse to never have her know the depth of his feelings. But it’s also wrong to burden her with them. Even if they aren’t entirely unwanted. She’s a nun. She isn’t his. She never will be. 

His mind is flooded with emotions and possibilities.

For now, he’ll have to content himself in being her doctor.


	2. Sister Bernadette

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sister Bernadette’s POV

It’s hard to process everything that has happened to her in such a short amount of time. She’s sick with an illness that has killed many, could kill many more, including her. It’s frightening. She wonders if it’s a punishment from God for how she’s been feeling. How she’s been feeling for a long time. She knows He isn’t vengeful, but it’s hard to not consider the possibility. 

Sister Julienne helps her undress so Dr. Turner can begin his examination. She’s nervous and feels like she wants to be anywhere else. She wishes she could sprout wings and fly out of the room, even if that might be somewhat ostentatious and more Sister Monica Joan’s fancy. 

She feels him place the stethoscope on her back and he asks her to breathe in. The stethoscope is surprisingly warm. Has he done that for her? Is she feeling his body heat from it? She listens to his instructions and breathes calmly and deeply and tries to stay focused. In and out.

He moves in front of her and she looks away. Her heart is racing. She’s become overcome by how close he is and how intimate the act feels. He’s being so careful with her. He’s careful not to touch her skin with his fingertips and he’s careful to pull her habit back only the amount that is absolutely necessary. She wishes it were otherwise. 

She wants his touch, desperately. She imagines what it would feel like to have his fingers gently stroking the skin of her chest. She imagines him touching her back and slowly lingering and drawing patterns all over it. She was very ticklish there, she remembers. As a child she’d giggle and squirm when her mother tickled her while they played. Is she still ticklish there? It would probably feel different to have Dr. Turner touch her. She wants to know so badly she could burst. His being so close is like torture. She needs to stay focused and breathe. In and out. 

Why does she feel this way? Is she being tested? Has she been wicked? She wishes her feelings were of only a lustful nature. That would be easy to ignore. It would pass. But her heart feels a longing not only for his touch, but for his mere company, snippets of conversation, moments of mutual understanding. And then there’s Timothy. She cares so much for him, she wonders if her feelings aren’t unlike that of a mother’s. But that isn’t the path she chose. How could she want this so badly?

She knows it might not be so hard if this only went one way. Perhaps if she just had a mild fascination with the doctor and he saw her as he did the other nuns then this wouldn’t be an issue. But she know that isn’t true. The scar on her hand is testament to that. She remembers the feeling of his lips on her hand often, it comes to mind over and over again as she relives it in the depths of her being. He feels the same way about her. 

He finishes and the world comes back around her. She’s sick. She’s going to need more x-rays. Dr. Turner will drive her. But her mind is distraught.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoyed Sister Bernadette thirsting for the good doctor! I considered upping the rating, but it doesn’t quite fit into naughty territory imo.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t written anything in so long. Hope you all enjoyed it! More perspectives to come seeing as I’m obsessed with this scene.


End file.
